


My Safety Pin

by Hippieflowerprincess



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Slightly depressing, calum hood/OFC - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 01:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5438591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hippieflowerprincess/pseuds/Hippieflowerprincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short one shot </p>
<p>The guy that was at the punching bag is staring straight at me. His gray hood is still pulled over his head but I can see his face now. He’s tan and rather tall. His curly black hair pokes out of his hood and his jaw is clenched slightly. His brown eyes are what get me. Their intriguingly dark.</p>
<p>“You trying to kill yourself?” He asks after a second. I press the stop button on the treadmill and don’t answer till I’m at a standstill. “No. I’m trying to sleep.” I answer still breathing a little heavy. He stares a little longer before saying, “So to sleep you run like an animal at three o’clock in the morning?” I don’t exactly know what it is that he wants for an answer. So I just nod before stepping off the treadmill and walking towards the water fountain trying to ignore his staring. “Insomnias a bitch.” He says as I finish sipping from the fountain. I look at him once more. He’s looking at me with a soft expression. Like he knows.</p>
<p>I sigh a little. “Yeah. She is.” I reply. And with that I leave the boy with the brown eyes to himself.</p>
<p>Or, Sarah has trouble sleeping and it turns out she isn't the only one</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Safety Pin

**Author's Note:**

> This is based loosely around the song Safety Pin by 5sos (duh). I wrote it originally for the sounds good feels good writing series that was put up by the wonderful cliffordchick on tumblr. You should check her out and the other writers that wrote for the series cause their all rad as heck.

It was an enormous rumble and flashing of light that woke me up. I groaned to myself trying my absolute hardest to force sleep to come again. But with the constant flashes and loud groaning from the sky I couldn’t find it in myself. So instead I left the warmth and comfort of my bed and walked towards my kitchen. Shuffling my feet against the cold tile, I walked like a zombie to the fridge. I poured myself a glass of water hoping to relax my body. My insomnia was no stranger to me. I’ve always had trouble sleeping since I was young. By now I figured out a few things that help me to get my body to relax again. Water was one of them.

 

I let myself drink another glass before I realized my body wasn’t having it. So I did the next step. Working out. My apartment building had a really nice gym that was open 24 hours. It’s helped me a bunch of times as far as getting me tired. So I put on some gym shorts and shoes before grabbing my keys and heading out. While in the elevator I think about how messed up I am. Working out at three o’clock in the morning just hoping to get some sleep. When I was a kid it was much worse.

I use to get horrible nightmares that would keep me up for hours. My parents never noticed or cared. Nor did they know that most of the time they were the stars in my nightmares.

I try to shake my head to rid myself of these nasty thoughts. I’m not in a place to think about my shit family.

I make it to the gym okay. I look around and see it almost completely empty. Except there’s this dude that’s by the punching bags. I can’t see his face because of the hood over his head so I ignore him and go straight to the treadmill. I don’t even bother starting slow. I start running immediately.

By the time my lungs are burning enough to kill me, fifteen minutes had gone by. I try not to remember why I’m so good at running. When I start slowing down to a walking speed I notice there are eyes on me. The guy that was at the punching bag is staring straight at me. His gray hood is still pulled over his head but I can see his face now. He’s tan and rather tall. His curly black hair pokes out of his hood and his jaw is clenched slightly. His brown eyes are what get me. Their intriguingly dark.

“You trying to kill yourself?” He asks after a second. I press the stop button on the treadmill and don’t answer till I’m at a standstill. “No. I’m trying to sleep.” I answer still breathing a little heavy. He stares a little longer before saying, “So to sleep you run like an animal at three o’clock in the morning?” I don’t exactly know what it is that he wants for an answer. So I just nod before stepping off the treadmill and walking towards the water fountain trying to ignore his staring. “Insomnias a bitch.” He says as I finish sipping from the fountain. I look at him once more. He’s looking at me with a soft expression. Like he knows.

I sigh a little. “Yeah. She is.” I reply. And with that I leave the boy with the brown eyes to himself.

-

It’s four in the morning and once again I’m awake. This time is different. I had a nightmare. Like usual it’s about sixteen year old me. Running from the home that was never home. Sixteen year old me ran until her lungs were on fire and her feet bled. Sixteen year old me cried silently on the greyhound on the way to Los Angeles because she had never felt so broken before.

I was sitting on a bench outside of my apartment listening to the sounds of cars drive by. Then I heard the sounds of someone leaving the building. I didn’t bother looking. I just kept looking at the sky and listening to the cars.

I should have looked. 

“Is the bitch back?” A deep voice asked. Slightly startled I saw the brown eyed boy standing there in a dark flannel. Keys in his hand, he looked at me like he was a little upset to find me here.

I smile a little and say, “The bitch never left.” He doesn’t smile back. He doesn’t laugh. But he does sit next to me. It’s quiet for a minute before he speaks up. “Do you want to go somewhere?” he asks. I look him straight in the eyes trying to figure out if he’s kidding. All I find is his brown eyes waiting for my response. “Can I know your name?” I asked instead of answering. His eyes crinkle at the end as he smiles a bit. “Calum.” He says. I nod and begin to stand, waiting for him to follow. When he does I say, “Sarah.”

I follow him to an old Jeep Cherokee and get inside. The rational part of my brain has long since stopped telling me that I was being an idiot for following this dude whom I’ve just met into a car. My gut was telling me that I was safe. It somehow knew this boy wasn’t going to hurt me.

When he starts the car he hands me a little black book. “Can you pick a CD? I don’t care which one.” He says. I open it to see it’s practically overflowing in CD’s. I spend a minute or two looking through them before I decide on one I like. I slide it in to possibly the oldest looking CD player I’ve ever seen and soon The Maine starts playing. Calum seems satisfied with the way he smiles to himself so I sit back and watch the road before us. The car is pretty dark but I can make out more stacks of CD’s on the side of my door and a bunch of napkins in the center.

“So Sarah. Please explain to me why the hell you got in the car with a complete stranger. Didn’t your mom teach you better?” He’s smiling a little at me and his voice is teasing. I can’t help but smile a little too as I tease back. “Didn’t your mom teach you not to take advantage of poor unsuspecting girls at strange hours of the night?” I reply with the same tone of sarcasm. He chuckles a little, which makes me smile. “No I can’t say she ever did.” He replies. We banter a little longer before its quiet again.

I listen to The Maine for a song or two before I break the silence. “Where are we going?” I ask suddenly realizing the strange situation I’ve put myself in. Calum gives me a side glance and says, “Don’t worry about it.” I raise my eyebrows at him questioning his answer, but he just smirks. “So besides insomnia, why were you outside at four in the morning?” He asks casually. I know he’s just trying to make conversation, but I’m slightly uncomfortable. The real answer isn’t a light one and certainly not one you share with beautiful strangers. I shift in my seat a little and give the easiest reply I can think of. “I like the night. Listening to cars pass by is kind of relaxing.” I search his face for a reaction but he just nods. So I ask him, “What about you. What do you do when the bitch comes back?” I hope and pray I wasn’t overstepping too much, but relax when he just smiles sadly at the road before taking a second to look me in the eye. “I go to where were going right now.” I frown slightly at his response. “Well that’s vague.” I say sounding annoyed. He chuckles and I find my heart dropping at the sound. It’s the kind of laugh you could get used to hearing. My little heart can’t handle the sound.

He catches me staring at him and smirks a little, but doesn’t comment. “You know Sarah I think you and I are going to be good friends.” He says so in a matter of fact tone. I frown a little and he notices because he says, “I mean unless you’ve already decided you don’t like me. Which I would understand.” He tries to joke about it, but I can hear it in his voice. He feel uncertain about me. I can hear it because I feel the same about him. “No that’s not it.” I say almost immediately. “I’m more concerned the opposite will happen.” It’s the most honest thing I’ve said to anyone in a while. I blame it on the time. The later it gets, the less I care about pretending to be okay. Besides, it seems to me that honesty is something Calum appreciates.

I look over at him and see he’s got a sad look in his eye. I know I put that there, but there’s nothing I could do. It was the truth. Many of the relationships I had with people ended on their behalf and not mine. I don’t think I could do with that again. He looks back at me to reply, “I don’t think that could happen.” My heart is dropping again because his brown eyes hold this sincerity that I’ve never known. I can feel his stare down to my bones. He’s being honest and I’ve never felt so terrified.

“Calum you don’t want to be friends with me.” I say quietly while looking back to the road. I can feel my throat closing a little as it always does when I’m filled with emotions I don’t like to name. As much as I want to be friends with Calum I can’t. I’ve been alone for the past year for a reason. Nothing good comes out of being friends with me.

I see that were slowing down and a few seconds later were parked in front of a cliff overlooking the city. I can feel him staring at me before he replies quietly. “Well then it’s a good thing you can’t make that decision for me.” He opens his door immediately after and I follow his lead.

He walks ahead of me and stops at the big metal railing that’s just a foot in front of the cliff. I stand beside him and bask in the view we have. It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen. We sit on the rail together and watch the city in silence. I don’t know how long it’s been but Calum breaks the silence first.

“When I was sixteen years old I got into a nasty car accident with two friends. They both passed away and I barely survived. Almost all my ribs broke and my lung was punctured. They were able to fix it up, but they couldn’t fix my friends.” His voice was gravely and rough, like it was hard for him to talk about. I can’t see his face, but I can hear the emotion in his words. My hands tightened slightly on the metal rails. I can picture it all in my head. I can almost see a young Calum having to go through something that no one should ever have to. My heart swells in empathy. “Why are you telling me this?” I whisper quietly.

I can feel his eyes on me, but I don’t want to look at him. I’m scared of what I’ll find. “Because that’s why I can’t sleep. Those are the demons that keep me awake at night. That’s the reason I run into you at strange hours of the night.” He confesses to me.

I close my eyes and sigh. I know that he wants me to tell him why I can’t sleep. The problem isn’t that he’s a stranger. Nor is it that I don’t want to tell him. The problem is I can’t even tell myself. I can’t bring myself to recall the reason why I am the way I am. It’s a Pandora’s Box. If I open it, there won’t be a way of closing it again. So I’m relieved when he says what he says next.

“I know your broken too Sara. You don’t have to tell me why. You just have to know that you’re not the only one.” He says quietly. It’s then that I look at him. His brown eyes hold something in them that I can’t decipher, but I know it’s genuine. It scares the hell out of me, what he’s offering. I haven’t had a real friend in what seems like a lifetime. I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I still shoot him a small smile and say, “I think we’re going to be good friends too.”

-

It’s not very late when I hear this strange noise in my bedroom. I’ve just finished unpacking and brushing my teeth when I hear the sound. I go into my bedroom and look at my alarm clock. It’s only eleven at night. I hear it again. It’s coming from my window. When I open the shades I see Calum on the ground floor. He’s wearing a hoodie with a beanie on top of his head. I can practically see his warm breath coming from his mouth. It’s a rather cold night in LA. He motions for me to raise my window. I shake my head at him. He mouths the question why to me. I do my best to demonstrate broken with my hands. I think he understands so he takes out his phone and points to it. I nod at him and go to get mine from my dresser.

After that night at the cliff, Calum and I have become real and true friends. It’s been surprisingly easy. We eat lunch together often and make dinner together at each other’s houses. We talk for hours, sometimes in the middle of the night and sometimes in broad daylight, but we never bring up our demons. That’s the only unspoken rule. In the two months since, I’ve learned so much about him. I know all his favorite bands, what food he likes and doesn’t like, even what times he goes to work and school. It was comfortable. It made it too easy for me to love him. So of course I did. How could I not? He’s helped me in more ways than I care to admit. He’s been helping me heal and he doesn’t even know what broke me.

A second later I see his name pop up on my phone. “Were you throwing rocks at my window Hood?” I ask in mock anger. He chuckles a little. “I thought it would be more romantic than calling you.” He says easily. My stomach drops a little, but I still manage to mutter ‘idiot’ at him. “Can you open up the front door? Our door dude isn’t replying to my buzzing and I lost my keys.” I roll my eyes a little at Calum’s forgetful mind. I start putting on shoes and grabbing my keys as I scold him. “Calum that’s the third key you lost since I’ve known you. And it was the spare one you gave me.” I hear him sigh and he replies with a simple “I know.” I sigh too and tell him I’m coming down before hanging up.

When I get to the front I see his face pressed up against the glass in anticipation. I roll my eyes but can’t stop the fond smile fighting its way on my face. I’ve learned that Calum’s a like a little kid and I want to say it’s annoying, but it’s just cute.

When I open the door he rushes past me to get inside. “Shit it’s freezing outside.” He mutters as he rubs his arms back and forth. I shake my head at him in disapproval but he just smiles brightly and hugs me tightly. “I’ve missed you Sawah! Thank you for letting me in. And thanks in advance for letting me sleep on your couch.” He says in his baby voice. I only roll my eyes at his childishness and he just grins wider.

We walk back to my apartment in comfortable silence. When we get there Calum immediately looks in my fridge for food. I walk to stand beside him when I notice something I didn’t before. Immediately I put my hands on his cheek. He turns his head to me in confusion until he sees what I’m looking at. His face softens a little and he holds my hand as if to keep it there. “I’m okay Sara I promise.” He whispers softly. The blue and purple bags say otherwise.

“You haven’t been sleeping.” I state. He nods slowly, still holding my gaze. “Why?” I ask even though I’m scared for the answer. He still hasn’t let go of my hand on his cheek and he starts to caress it slightly. The intimacy of the moment scares the hell out of me, but I don’t dare stop it. “You were away this weekend. I had trouble sleeping knowing you weren’t in a mile radius.” He half whispers. It sounds like it could be teasing, but his tone and his expression suggest otherwise.

I don’t register his other hand go up to his mouth until his wet thumb is swiping under my eyes. I immediately recoil and screech. “Ew Calum! That’s gross!” I yell wiping my under eyes. He doesn’t laugh though. He just looks at my now concealer-less eyes. “You haven’t slept either.” He states. I sigh and frown a little. “I never sleep Calum. I’m a vampire remember?” I try my best to keep it light because everything seems a bit too serious. Calum doesn’t seem to care because in a matter of seconds he’s in my space again. His face is so close to mine that I forget how to breathe. His hand is stroking my hair and his eyes are searching mine for something.

I don’t know how long we stand there. Just breathing each other’s air. But eventually Calum whispers, “Sarah you’re very important to me. And I think it’s safe to say that I’m very important to you. So please don’t pretend like it’s not happening. Don’t push me away.” My breathe catches slightly and I close my eyes. I want it. I want what he’s offering so much. The only problem is I’m scared shitless of what happens if he leaves. There won’t be anything left of me. So I lean my head on his, eyes still closed and tell him the truth. “I’m scared.” I whisper back. I feel his nose nuzzle mine and feel his breath caress my face like a kiss. “I know. I am too.” He replies.

When I open my eyes only his brown ones fill my vision. When he’s looking at me like this I can see it in his eyes. He would go to the end of the earth for me. He wouldn’t sleep for weeks if it meant I got to sleep for a few hours. He looks at me like he loves me. Unconditionally. I can’t help but believe that this is what’s going to save me. He’s going to be the one to keep me from falling apart and maybe I’ll do the same for him. I might never be completely back to how I was before, but I know with him I’ll be better. With him I won’t be broken.

So before I can even think about all the bad things that could happen I connect our lips together. It’s not mind blowing. There’s no romantic music in the background. But I feel him all around me. I feel like I’m home


End file.
